Friday, May 6, 2011

Legacy of Love

It is Mother's Day weekend and as always I have been thinking so much about my Mom.  My Mother passed away 12 years ago this month.  Her last Mother's Day was spent in the hospital.  I was glad she was able to be awake on that day even if only for a few minutes.  Sadly, that was also the day they told us there was nothing else that could be done except to make her comfortable. That didn't seem to settle in with me.  I heard what they said but in my heart I kept thinking God was going to provide a miracle and make her better.  My mother was always the strongest lady I knew.  She had so many difficulties in her life and she survived them all and shined.  Surely if she survived all that she would survive this too.  I couldn't leave the hospital and found it harder and harder to leave the room.  I just stayed by her bedside and pushed the way she always did with me.  I knew she would prove the doctor's wrong and I had to be there to see it.  Sadly, 12 days later I found out they were right.  She passed quickly, no struggle, she just simply quit breathing.  It was hard for me to fathom that she was gone.  How could someone whose hands were still so soft and warm be gone?  Suddenly I had all kinds of questions running through my head.  There were things that I had forgotten to ask her, now I would never have the chance.  There were all kinds of things I wanted to say to her and couldn't remember if I had said them or not.  For the first time in my life I was completely numb.  I didn't know where to go, what to do or what to say.  I didn't even know who I was.  I lost the one person who gave me my identity, who made me who I was.  Now what would I do?  I went home and just stood on my front porch.  I froze for some reason and couldn't go inside.  Fortunately I had a good friend who was there.  He was a friend from school that dearly loved my Mom.  He took my hand and made me go inside.  I just looked at him and said, "What do I do now?"  He put his arm around my shoulders and said just let it out.  I remember I laid my head on his shoulder and cried for over two hours.  He never said a word, he just let me cry because at the time that is what I needed.  I thank God for putting him there at that moment.  The next day I had to plan the funeral.  I wanted to make sure everything was perfect down to the smallest detail.  It was important to me to honor her the way she deserved.  So many people came and said such great things about my mother.  There were even people I had never met that talked about how kind she was, things they learned from her and also how she made a lasting impression on their lives.  I think about my Mom every day and miss her as much today as I did the day after she passed.  Looking back I see that God did provide the miracle that I so desperately prayed for.  I wanted my Mom to be better and she is.  She is in Heaven and has no worry, no heartache, no pain or sickness.  She is happy and never has to struggle or overcome obstacles.  There are many times that I have questions or situations when I'm not sure what to do.  I miss her more at those times than any because she always had the right solution.  I am thankful for all she taught me.  Today I am a Christian young lady who tries very hard to live up to the person she expected me to be.  I'm left with her values, her love of people and her compassion to always try to do the right thing.  I may not be able to honor my mother with a fancy dinner or a thoughtful gift on Mother's Day but I know that I can honor her everyday by striving to be a person who loves God and puts him first, who lives by their morals and values and who does her best to be a good friend and love those around her.  That is the example she set for me and I only hope I can be 1/2 the woman she was.  She left a legacy of love that in my mind is unmatched by any other.  I'm blessed and thankful for the time I had her and look forward to one day seeing her again.