Monday, July 4, 2011

Give it up

It's not always easy to admit our faults.  One of the biggest ones I have is trying to always be in control of things. If something's broke I want to fix it. If a friend is having a problem or a bad day I want to make it better. When things seem to pile up in my life I think a positive attitude is going to make all the difference.  I know when life seems to be piling up that God just wants me to give it up to Him.  There have been times when I thought I was letting Him have it all but in reality I was giving a little while still holding on.  Recently I have had several things "pile" up, and God has used it to teach me something I desperately needed to learn.  I have been on a journey since late December to lose the excess weight I have and become a healthy person.  It is the one thing that I have to do for myself and it is so important to me.  I feel it is the one thing that has held me back from truly living life.  The first 6 weeks was really rough and I wanted to quit at least once a week but thankfully with very encouraging friends and a lot of prayer I didn't.  I started seeing results.  A few months ago I started having trouble with my thyroid which the doctor said may be an obstacle in my weight loss journey.  I also was a little tired and have been anemic for a couple of months.  Last week I was excessively tired and couldn't get out of bed on a Sunday morning.  I had to go to the doctor and was diagnosed with Mono.  I was told the only thing I could do was get plenty of rest and fluids and hang in there because I would feel yucky for 4 to 6 weeks.  On top of that the doctor said no exercise.  I didn't need another obstacle.  The frequent doctor visits and testing have caused me to encounter a little over $2000 in medical bills that are my responsibility to pay.  I was doing a few side jobs to make payments towards this but due to the restrictions I am not allowed to do until I recover from the Mono.  Although I had prayed every day and felt I was doing all I could, my circumstances were getting worse instead of better.  This was what I felt was my breaking point.  I didn't know when I began crying that this "breaking point" would be a "break through point".  I cried and prayed for several hours over two days.  When I went to church on Sunday I talked to my Pastor and explained how broken I felt and how I just needed him to pray because I couldn't take anymore.  God showed me that He would take care of things but I had to give it up......truly give it up and not hold on to it.  I decided that is what I was going to do.  I truly gave it to God and I'm not picking it back up.  I felt the burden was lifted.  I don't know what all God has in store for me and my life, but I do know that no matter what His plans are I have to have faith.  I know that through Him I will have success in my weight loss, my health issues and my financial burdens.  I learned a good lesson that God has been trying to teach me for a long time.  I also learned that although my problems seemed excessive to me, there are many people who have it a lot harder than I do.  I also began thinking about how many things there must be that God shields me from on a daily basis.  I count those as unknown blessings.  I pray I continue to grow spiritually and learn the things God wants me to learn.  I want to be the person He has planned me to be, but most of all when He says to give it up, I want to do just that!

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